I have been coaching for over a decade, and I mean that in the fullest sense of the word.
I have worked as a project coach, helping teams navigate complexity and stay grounded when the pressure mounted. I have coached operationally, sitting alongside leaders as they tried to make good decisions inside imperfect systems. And for years, I worked closely with women to help them find something that sounds simple but is anything but: harmony between the life they were living and the life they actually wanted.
I had the certifications, the frameworks, the training. I had studied positive psychology, read the books, and poured myself into helping other people find their footing.
I thought I had a pretty solid handle on what it took to lead well.
Then I became a global director and everything I thought I knew about myself got a little blurry.
Not in a dramatic way. It was quieter than that. I still showed up. I still performed. I still led meetings, made decisions, and answered emails at 10 p.m. But underneath all of that, I was carrying a question I did not know how to answer:
Who is this new version of Tammy, and does she actually know what she is doing?
If you are stepping into a leadership role for the first time, I want you to hear this clearly: that question is not a warning sign. It is a normal, human part of becoming.
The Gap Nobody Talks About
Here is what surprised me most. I had spent years studying leaders. I knew who I wanted to be. I had models and research and real conviction about what good leadership looked like.
None of it fully prepared me for the moment I had to actually be the leader. Not in theory. In real time, with real stakes, with real people watching.
There is a gap between knowing and becoming that no certification fills. And if you are in that gap right now — if you have the role but you are still figuring out what it means for you — I want you to know that gap is not a deficiency. It is the work.
The question is not whether you will feel uncertain. You will. The question is whether you will let that uncertainty send you looking outward for permission, or inward for direction.
The Loneliness Nobody Names
One of the hardest parts of those early years as a director was how isolated it felt. And what struck me, once I started paying attention, was that the women around me were living the same experience. We were all quietly trying to figure out who we were in this new role. Most of us were doing it alone, without admitting it to anyone.
Some women had landed on a version of leadership that worked, but it was a persona — a professional identity that lived separately from who they were everywhere else. Others were still in the middle of the conflict, feeling the pull between who they had always been and who they thought they were supposed to become.
It reminded me of middle school. That particular kind of loneliness that comes not from being excluded, but from not quite knowing where you fit. Everyone performing a version of themselves. Everyone hoping no one notices the uncertainty underneath.
I recognized it because I was living it too.
Coaching note: If this resonates, pause and ask yourself: am I leading from my real self, or from a version of me I think is expected? You do not have to answer it fully right now. Just let yourself sit with it.
The Noise Is Designed to Confuse You
On top of all of that internal uncertainty, there is the external noise.
Be assertive, but not aggressive. Be confident, but not threatening. Lead with warmth, but do not be a pushover. Balance your family and your ambition, but also be available around the clock.
I sat with all of that and thought: there is no version of this where I win.
And I eventually realized — that is the point. Those instructions are not meant to be followed. They are meant to keep you off-balance, second-guessing yourself, constantly looking outward for approval. The women I watched struggle most were not struggling because they lacked capability. They were struggling because they had internalized all of that noise and were trying to lead from it.
You cannot build a grounded leadership identity on a foundation of other people's contradictory expectations. It will shift under you every single time.
This Is Why RISE Exists
RISE — which stands for Root, Integrate, Strengthen, Evolve — is what I wish I had when I became a global director and realized that none of my training had prepared me for the identity work that comes with stepping into real authority.
It is not a checklist. It is not a performance standard. It is a cycle — one you return to as you grow, as your role changes, as life asks something new of you.
Because the question I was asking when I stepped into that director role — who is this new version of me — is not a question you answer once. You will answer it again at every new level, in every new season of your leadership and your life.
RISE is how I learned to sit with that question without being afraid of it.
And it is what I am here to help you do too.
Are you in that in-between space right now? You have the role, but you are still figuring out who you are inside it. I would love to hear where you are. Reach out directly. You do not have to navigate this part alone.